
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13779267.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      僕のヒーローアカデミア_|_Boku_no_Hero_Academia_|_My_Hero_Academia
  Relationship:
      Bakugou_Katsuki/Midoriya_Izuku, Midoriya_Izuku/Todoroki_Shouto, Bakugou
      Katsuki_&_Midoriya_Izuku, Midoriya_Izuku_&_Todoroki_Shouto
  Character:
      Midoriya_Izuku, Bakugou_Katsuki, Todoroki_Shouto, Uraraka_Ochako, Iida
      Tenya
  Additional Tags:
      Hurt/Comfort, Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Mildly_Dubious_Consent, Hanahaki
      Disease, Body_Horror, Cheating, Implied/Referenced_Cheating, Major
      Character_Injury, Non-Graphic_Smut, graphic_smut, Diesease, Emotional
      Hurt, Emotional_Manipulation, Guilt, Bullying
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-02-24 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 6944
****** On Our Time ******
by MemjiPop
Summary
     Katsuki hates this more anything.
     The glare of morning sun trying to peek from under his window shades
     doesn't bother him right now. He's been awake for hours now, acutely
     aware of the body sleeping next to him contently. He wants to hold
     him, Deku - Izuku - kiss at his shoulder and drift off into sleep,
     but he can't.
Notes
     Moving everything from Wattpad but I will be updating on both sites.
     I'm so sorry for all this mess.
***** Chapter One *****
Katsuki hates this more anything.
The glare of morning sun trying to peek from under his window shades doesn't
bother him right now. He's been awake for hours now, acutely aware of the body
sleeping next to him contently. He wants to hold him, Deku - Izuku - kiss at
his shoulder and drift off into sleep, but he can't. That's not what they do,
that's not what this is. They're not a couple, even if Katsuki has deluded
himself into half thinking it, just too dull the pain a bit. They're not even
friends, not really, and it's absolutely the blonde's fault. He hadn't meant to
kiss him, bite into his bottom lip and taken the smaller boy rough against the
back library wall. He was just so overwhelmed and worked up, it had just
happened. A piss poor excuse he knows, but it's better than nothing and it gets
Izuku into his bed whenever he likes.
He knows Izuku loves him and that makes things harder, because Katsuki isn't
sure he feels the same. That's a lie, he knows exactly how he feels, but
there's so much internalised running through his head that he doesn't want to
own up to any form of emotion he can't use to fight. Izuku isn't weak, not
really, not anymore but definitely deserves a gentle touch and that's something
Katsuki can't give him. That's why he finds it hard to shift his position in
bed for the moment, the sting of fresh scratches on his back threaten to weep
if he moves too much. The boy next to him is no better for wear, Katsuki knows
there's his hands burnt into Izuku's sides and more bite marks than he's
willing to admit in his skin.
Izuku rolls over with a small sigh and Katsuki's heart breaks. He looks so
angelic, so at peace, he deserves better but he doesn't get it and he won't get
it here. The moment Katsuki is able to sit himself up, the boy murmurs awake
and goes through the motions of his visit. He doesn't look at Katsuki, just
borrows his shower for a minute, dresses and leaves without so much as a word.
It's painful but it's for the best. They carry on throughout the day like
nothing has changed between them. Katsuki still bullies the boy relentlessly
but he gets people to do his dirty work for him nowadays, he can't stand to
touch Izuku like that with his own hands. Still, Izuku doesn't say a word; he's
already said everything he needs to to Katsuki. They end the day with a few
extra bruises between them and a bitter taste on their mouths, but Izuku is at
his door again that night, same painfully sweet smile before his head drops.
Katsuki sighs like he's pissed off but he knows Izuku is crying. He watches the
boy begin to strip off slowly, hands shaking before Katsuki wraps his arms
around his waist and stops him.
"Kacchan, don't." Izuku pleads and it's desperate and breathless. "Please don't
pretend." Katsuki knows exactly what he's asking but he ignores it because for
him it's not pretend. It's not just a warped version of fuck buddies, Katsuki
genuinely loves this boy but he’s too much of a coward to confront the wall of
feelings he's spent so long ignoring. Izuku doesn't fight him, he wants to
pretend, wants to think for a moment they're not trying to fuck through
emotional baggage, that they're lovers and it'll be so good, so sweet this
time. But it's not, because Katsuki can't do it, he can't be sweet unless he
wants his cover blown. The older boy doesn't care right now, the only thing
that matters soon is the look on Izuku's face as he's pounded against the
bathroom sink, struggling to hold himself up and desperately sucking on
Katsuki's fingers.
He's screaming Katsuki's name as best as he can and trying to meet the boy's
eyes in the mirror, but Katsuki is stubborn and keeps his attention on the
curve of his ass and the way Izuku's freckles only line his sides. They're as
lovely as the hundred and forty three on Izuku's face, though Katsuki will not
admit he's counted them. His thoughts are cut short by the sudden squeeze
around his cock and Izuku's strangled cry. He's cum, still weakly bucking his
hips against Katsuki to finish him off but it's the sudden and accidental eye
contact that pushes him over the edge.
Izuku is allowed to stay the night if he wants, he always chooses to stay, and
Katsuki doesn't care who sees in the morning anyway. He knows Izuku wants
Katsuki to hold him, but he can't bring himself to do it, so Izuku contents
himself with a pillow and Katsuki doesn't sleep again. It continues on for so
long, Katsuki can barely remember why they do this anymore until he sees
Izuku's flushed face and remembers. Because he couldn't return Izuku's feelings
without being greedy. Now Izuku is convinced this is just sex but he's so in
love that he doesn't mind so long as they're close. But Katsuki isn't satisfied
at all and it's too late to admit the truth now. It's different one night,
Izuku blames the stress of exams but they both know that's not it, not with the
way the freckled boy is begging to be marked and broken, not with the rage in
his eyes. Katsuki can't ever say no to him so he gives him everything he wants
until they're both so sore and beat up, they can't move from the bedroom
floor. 
"I don't want to do this anymore." Izuku's voice is firm but quiet, like he
wants to punch someone or cry or both. "I don't want it to be just sex."
Katsuki's mind is screaming that it isn't, that he loves the boy so, so much
but his tongue can't keep up with the flurry of thoughts so it sits dumb in his
mouth. Izuku is dressed and gone before Katsuki can fully process what's
happened. He feels like he's been dumped but you have to actually be dating
someone to be dumped so he's left with a mess of broken feelings and no were to
put them. His wall suffers as a result; he punches it so hard he doesn't need
to use his quirk to put a hole through the drywall. He doesn't turn up to class
the next day or the day after, but it doesn't matter because Izuku doesn't show
up to his room ever again no matter how much he waits. He's fucked everything
up and that anger only burns him more, driving him forward because as much as
it hurts it's the only emotion he knows how to work with. Exams come and go and
a new year begins, but the ragged hole in his chest remains, Katsuki can't even
hear Izuku's name without cracking his knuckles so no one in class ever brings
it up. No that it matters, Izuku transfers to class 1-B and they never see each
other from less than a building away anyway. 
This doesn't stop Katsuki from trying; he sneaks glances every chance he gets,
his chest clenches every time. Izuku looks happy, he's made new friends and
without Katsuki beating down his confidence every other day, he's mustered up
enough courage to talk to girls properly. The blonde doesn't like that but not
as much as he doesn't like the way Todoroki looks at Izuku. The dislike turns
to murderous hate only three weeks later when Aishido pries out of him that he
and Izuku are a couple. He's not sure how he ends up there, but after he's done
seeing red, Katsuki's got Izuku pinned against the wall of a hallway and is ten
seconds away from blowing the boy's head off.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" He screeches and whatever students
have stopped to watch, immediately take a few steps back. "Todoroki? Really?
The fuck is wrong with you, Deku."
"I don't see how any of it is your business." The green eyed boy spits back and
Katsuki is furious. He's more mad at himself than anything but he's not about
to give that away, especially not with all these people watching. His grip
tightens and Izuku chokes a little but his glare in unwavering. For the first
time in a while, Katsuki is a little happy because at least now he has Izuku's
attention. "Why do you even care?"
"I don't!"
"You clearly do-"
"I said I don't!" A loud boom goes off but it's too late before he blonde
realises he's used his quirk and there's a terrifying hole in the wall. The
impact of the sound wave has left Izuku unconscious and bleeding from his left
ear. Katsuki wants to apologise so badly, to make everything ok, but his victim
is ripped from him so fast and he's got two teachers yelling him down and
asking questions. But, God, he can't take his eyes off of Izuku being carried
off to Recovery Girl, limp and bloodied. "I'm so sorry." He mumbles but
everything else is a blur.
 
***** Chapter Two *****
Katsuki decides that everything is Todoroki’s fault.
It's easier to blame him rather than accept that he's fucked up everything
again. He's always disliked the boy anyway, though he did have some respect for
him stemming from his immense power. But right now, with the boy blocking his
way, he hates him. Katsuki has come to the infirmary every day, trying to see
if Izuku is ok or not, no one is willing to tell him, he's gone too far this
time. But Todoroki stands at the door like a loyal guard dog and refuses him
entry and information.
"Move." He snarled but his rival looked completely unfased, it's only pissing
the blonde off more. "Are you deaf? I said move."
"You can't go anywhere near him." Todoroki says it like it's a known law and it
might as well be with the way everyone's been treating Katsuki. "You've done
enough. Just leave him be."
"You don't get to decide when I'm done with him, bastard."
"I think I'm allowed to have some input on the safety of my partner."
That does it, that's the last straw for Katsuki as he feels his palms blister
with heat and before he even has a second to process, he gets his hands so
fucking close to Todoroki's throat that he can almost feel the scarred skin
under his hands. Be doesn't get the pleasure for blowing right through the
boy's neck, because Todoroki has his wrist in a tight grip and his ice quirk is
so cold it feels like it burning Katsuki's bones. He relents but he's not happy
about it, shoving his hands his pockets he walks away but feels like he's going
to cry or throw up or both, he's not quite sure. It's only when the feeling
gets too much, he feels too dizzy and weak, and is neck deep in a toilet of the
boy's bathroom does he see it.
Blood and petals.
The bowl is covered in them, like someone's slashed their wrists and held a
funeral afterwards. There's an uncomfortable feeling in his mouth and Katsuki
is picking out more petals from between his teeth. He knows what this is, but
it's so rare nowadays that it's become something more of a childish myth than a
reality. Hanahaki Disease, it's painful and obvious and usually fatal without
near constant surgeries or - Well, Katsuki doesn't want to think about that, he
deserves this, he knows that. It's not so bad at first, not during classes or
recces. Only when he lets the unavoidable thought of Izuku run through his head
in the dead of night, do the symptoms flare up and Katsuki shoots out of bed
like his skin is on fire. His throat burns all the time from the acid his
stomach throws up, everything tastes like iron and he can feel a tight
clenching in his chest, like horned vines just tightening and tightening.
Kirishima tries to ask Katsuki what’s wrong but he's more agitated than usual
and eventually ends up shoving away anyone that tries to comfort him. He
doesn't need to comforted, he doesn't need people to worry about him, just to
worry about Izuku, and please God just tell me he's ok.
But Izuku was fine after a few weeks. His ear was still bandaged up and he
carried around a new notebook, but he was ok. Todoroki is still the ever
faithful guard dog, the freckled boy smiles so brightly, holding his arm and
cuddling close. It makes something twist and tear into Katsuki's chest, like
thick rope and he doesn't like it one bit. The second Todoroki is out of sight,
the ash blonde makes a beeline for Izuku, the boy scribbling new notes and
completely unaware of the train wreck heading his way.
"Oi, Deku." Katsuki growls out and it's harsher than he means too, but any
anger he feels dies in his chest because Izuku catches his eyes and jolts back
so fast that he knocks his seat over. The whole cafeteria feels silent, too
many eyes watching them, but all Katsuki can see is how Izuku's knees wobble
and threaten to buckle, how he's clutching his notebook like a life line and
how those beautiful green eyes are so bloodshot and glassy. It's all his fault.
"Deku." He doesn't get to finish, he barely remembers what he was even going to
say before the feeling of guilt settles in his jaw and he's storming back to
his dorm room, the petals and blood pooling in his mouth. It's thick and hot
and tastes of rust, Katsuki has his head in his waste basket, forcing his
stomach to evacuate as much as possible but it feels useless, it feels like it
won't end. He doesn't go to afternoon classes, he doesn't open the door for
Aisawa, and he just lies on the floor of his dorm and wallows. He's surrounded
by red and white, weakly brushing the petals closest to his mouth, he can't
help but note how pretty they look, in a macabre kind of way. Japanese
Camellia, he's pretty sure they are, they smell so sweet but it's hard to focus
on them with the overwhelming scent of rust and iron.
His mother grew flowers like these once; he remembered bringing some
reluctantly to Inko when Izuku had chicken pox. Somewhere in his eight year old
mind, he'd reasoned that flowers made people feel better, and the faster Izuku
felt better, the faster he could come out and play. It hadn't really worked but
Izuku insisted it did and that was enough for Katsuki. No one even looks at him
the next time he manages to show up to class, not even Aisawa has a dig at him,
he takes his seat and only half pays attention. Classes have become tedious
now, a burden on his weakening body, but he keeps up as best as he can, the
tightening of thorns around his bones only spurs him on in irony. Todoroki lets
up, focusing all his attention on keeping Izuku far away from the explosive
teen, once he is healed up enough. The freckled boy is quieter than anyone
finds comfortable, he doesn't even mumble anymore, just stands behind his
boyfriend like a frightened rabbit. Katsuki wants to get closer, the feeling is
almost compelling, but Izuku runs as fast and as far as he can the moment his
childhood friend is in view. Katsuki had always been violent, he'd always
bullied and picked on Izuku, the freckled boy often returned home bruised or
scratched up. But being hurt like that? Katsuki's never crossed that line
before and Izuku's bright smile and forgiving nature just isn't able to cope
this time. 
But Todoroki can't guard him forever and Izuku can't keep running, that much is
evident when Katsuki corners him in a hallway after school. He's shaking so
badly, fat tears already beginning to fall and it breaks Katsuki's heart. He
hasn't come up with a plan, he rarely does, it's easier to just figure these
things out later, but that's not going to work here and he knows it.
"You can't keep running, Deku." The blonde growls out and Izuku visibly winces,
clutching his notebooks like a shield. It's strange but Katsuki wants to kiss
him, hold him, and tell him he's being stupid and that Katsuki wouldn't ever
hurt him, but he has. "What? One fight and you go running to that two toned
bastard? Pathetic."
"This - This wasn't." Izuku can barely finish his sentence, his voice is barely
above a whisper and God how the shaking gets worse, and he looks like the wind
will take him out. "He loves me." So that's what this is about, Katsuki feels
the taste of iron rise in his throat, the petals beginning to choke him. The
blonde's temper has always been poor, he finds himself caging Izuku in before
he can even process what he's doing. Both of his dangerous hands slam into the
wall on each side of Izuku's head, the boy is so scared he collapses, holding
his head and wailing.
"Stop." Katsuki shouts but the wailing and sobbing gets worse. "I said stop
it." Izuku just apologises through choking sobs and it's eating away at
Katsuki, just wants it to stop. "Izuku, enough!" The green haired teen does
stop, almost like a switch, the shaking is still there but he lets go of his
head and barely looks up at his friend. 
"You - You called me." Izuku swallows thickly, dark wet stains flow down his
cheeks from the tears, but his eyes are blown wide.  "Kacchan. Just - please -
I can't do this anymore; I don't want to do this anymore."
"We're not doing anything." Katsuki is getting annoyed now; he can feel his
palms heat up and begin to sweat - A bad sign. "You're doing this. You're the
one that freaked out; you're the one that fucked off."
"I didn't want it to just be sex."
"You're the one who decided that on your own!"
"I told you I loved you!"
They're both silent now, Katsuki knows he's in the wrong and Izuku looks like
he's been slapped. He wants to run, he springs to his feet and tries but
Katsuki won't let him, he grabs his arms and shoves his back against the wall.
They're both stepping on Izuku's notebooks but they don't notice, their lips
are mashed together angrily. Izuku struggles at first, he's scared, this feels
so much like a trap, Katsuki's got his dangerous hands around his small wrists,
and the heat is almost burning. Their kiss is so primal, so aggressive, so
them. By the time they break the kiss, they're both out of breath and panting,
Izuku is crying again but now he just looks hurt, like everything he's tried to
fix and piece back together is shattering again.
"You can't . . . You can't keep doing this. It's not fair."
"I know."
"I can't go back to before."
"I know."
"Kacchan talk to me."
"I am."
He knows he's not, it just so much to process and Katsuki doesn't want to.
Izuku is clinging to the blonde's uniform shirt like it’s a lifeline. Katsuki
doesn't want him to ever let go but he can't bring himself hold him, he wants
to badly but he feels like doesn't deserve it. He opens his mouth to say
something but before any words arrive, the petals he's been holding back drop
out of his mouth and circle Izuku's head like a flower crown, beautifully
painful. Izuku looks up with big, wet green eyes and Katsuki is lost.
***** Chapter Three *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry this one is a bit short.
Katsuki wasn't sure how it started but he didn't care, because right now
Izuku's bare skin was under his hands and their lips were crashing together
like a perfect train wreck. It was so wrong, Izuku wasn't his, he was happy and
with someone else, but that didn't stop the blonde from ravishing him like he
needed it to live. Somewhere along the lines clothes were misplaced, more
petals scattered and Izuku was arched under his touch and gasping. God he
missed this, he missed all of this but it was so wrong. It wasn't their usual
routine, familiar and safe. As safe as it could be with Katsuki sinking his
teeth into Izuku's shoulder, he wanted to make sure everyone saw their mistake.
Maybe it was pity that made them fall into bed again but Katsuki fervently
insisted it was affection. Having the green haired boy in his lap, huffing and
gasping so close to his ear was torture. He could feel the slow, burning drag
of his cock pulling almost free before slamming back inside, eliciting a high
pitched keen from Izuku was Heaven, and Katsuki was more than happy to continue
like this forever. But fucking like animals, amongst blood and petals wasn't
Izuku's idea of heaven, the moment he felt Katsuki cover his insides with cum
and a dull ache, he was pulling himself off and collecting his clothes from the
filthy floor. 
Katsuki did not like being on the other end of this affair. He didn't like the
cold silence, the bitter aftertaste and most of all, the longing - Dull and
throbbing in his chest, silently pleading for Izuku to just stay. The look the
freckled boy threw him over his shoulder was heart breaking; he pitied Katsuki
so damn much. Of course he'd noticed the blood, he noticed the petals clinging
to the blonde's chapped lips, and he pitied it.
"I told you I can't keep doing this." He finally spoke up, though his voice
cracked just a bit. "Shochan is good to me, he loves me. Whatever thing we had,
it's over."
"No, it isn't."
"Please don't do this." 
"Don't do what, Deku?" Katsuki hissed he didn't bother to clean himself up;
selfishly hoping his dishevelled appearance would tug some sympathy from
Izuku's fragile heart. "Stop treating me like I'm selfish kid! Just tell me
what the fuck you want!"
"I wanted you, Katsuki!"
The air chills quickly, like someone has frozen everything solid but somehow it
still feels clammy and uncomfortable. There's a churning in Katsuki's stomach
that he can't ignore, but whether its anxiety or hearing his first name being
so bitterly spat is anyone's guess.
"I wanted you, I really did. I loved you so much, but it was just about sex for
you." Izuku motions with his hands like they're being electrocuted, like he has
no idea how to convey what words can't. But Katsuki understands him, he's hurt
- shattered really - because Katsuki had him in the palm of his hand, willing
and loving, but he threw it away for a cheap fuck until even his childhood
friend's ever forgiving nature just snapped. "I thought I could deal with that
but I can't. I don't want just sex; I want someone to give a shit about me. I
want-"
Katsuki stops him; he can't take much more, lunging at the smaller boy until
his body slams against the cold walls of the boy's bathroom with a heavy thud.
He knows with how tight he's holding Izuku's wrists the skin will bruise, but
he doesn't relent because feeling Izuku give in, kissing him back and
whimpering, was all he could think of. He could feel Izuku's pitiful sobs and
tears streaming down his face, cooling his heated skin and felt so very guilty.
He pulled back slowly, letting Izuku's wrists go, peppering the red skin with
gentle kisses.
"Why." The smaller boy hiccupped, clinging so tightly to the rumpled and
bloodied fabric of Katsuki's uniform collar. "Why do you keep doing this to me?
Why now?"
"I don't know."
"Yes you do! Of course you know!"
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"Just tell me what you want, from me?!"
The cold grew and Izuku fell against Katsuki's chest, clinging and shaking so
badly, soaking his shirt in bitter tears. Neither of them spoke after that,
just got themselves cleaned up and dressed, Katsuki expected Izuku to go the
other way as they left, but he didn't. He held tightly onto the blonde's rough
hand, trailing behind like a guilty dog. Katsuki didn't question it, he didn't
need to, all the dirty looks they were getting did it for him and those same
looks only made Izuku sob a little more. Naturally their classmates had plenty
of questions but they didn't get the chance. Todoroki was on them in seconds,
furious enough for his left side to be smoking slightly. The tension in the air
was so thick, anyone could have choked on it but Katsuki stood tall, one arm
stretched behind him as a sort of way to keep the trembling boy safe, not that
Todoroki would have ever hurt him. 
"I know what you're doing and it's disgusting." He hissed, a little more smoke
rising from under his uniform. "You can't just manipulate people to get your
way."
"You're itching for a fucking fight, aren't you?" Katsuki spat back, both boys
had their eyes narrowed at each other, ready to see if looks could kill or not.
Izuku shook and sobbed behind Katsuki until Uraraka and Iida managed to creep
behind him and take him to a safer corner of the room; this was going to be
messy. "Don't get pissy, half n' half, I'll kick your ass right now if you
really want." The blonde ignored the accusations because he knew that wasn't
what was happening at all. Izuku had been the one to initiate this time, maybe
out of pity, maybe to give Katsuki a taste of his own medicine, who knew but
none of it had been the blonde's doing for once. The classroom erupted into a
ball of ice and smoke, the hallway outside shaking with each blow until the
doors were thrown open and both boys tumbled out of the window, hitting the
ground with a sickening crunch. Neither relented, hands gripped necks, fired
burnt flesh and ice snapped through muscle, but they still fought, determined
to execute each other. 
Katsuki got to his feet, barely. His right arm refused to respond but the palm
sparked with his quirk automatically. Using his power with such force and no
protective gear made the skin on his palms bubble and sizzle, the pain shooting
up his arm like needles but he had no intention of stopping. Todoroki was just
was worse for wear, his left leg was sporting a nasty looking gash, red seeped
into his uniform like running ink and the muscle twitched and trembled from the
weight it could barely handle. They were both heaving and on the verge of
collapse but so damn unwilling to stop. If it hadn't of been for Midnight
steeping in, the whole school was certain they'd both actually murder each
other. Recovery Girl had her hands full that day and the boys slept for days on
end, in and out of consciousness. Katsuki could have sworn he saw Izuku,
smiling softly with tears in his eyes. Cupping his face and telling him he was
cruel for making the freckled boy worry so much, he could feel small scarred
hands take his and give a small squeeze, lips brush against his and whisper
promises that everything going to be ok. When he came to finally, Izuku was
doing it but not to him, to Todoroki in the bed beside him, a thin translucent
curtain separating them - Separating Izuku from him.
"Don't ever scare me like that again." Izuku sobbed into Todoroki's shoulder,
trying to curl up at his side and just touch as much as he could of him to
prove to himself that Todoroki was ok. "I mean it, Shochan."
"I won't, I promise." The other returned and they just held each other. Katsuki
rolled over and pretended he was asleep, but the clawing feeling rising in his
chest gave him no peace to do so. Trying to stifle a sharp cry, Katsuki held
his sides and crumbled into a ball, feeling pricks at his skin.  Ripping his
shaking hands away, Katsuki saw something he hoped he would never see again.
Thorns, black and sharp and dried poked through his skin, their stalks twisting
around his muscles and bones, buds in the most brilliant colour nestled along
the black plant. He was getting so much worse and he knew it would kill him,
but hearing Izuku and Todoroki reassure each other, be there for each other,
something he couldn't do. He almost wished it would.
 
***** Chapter Four *****
Chapter Summary
     I will no longer be updating on Wattpad, this will was my final
     update for the site. It is completely unbeta'd but wanted my goodbye
     to be as quick as possible. I thank my readers and followers dearly
     for their love and support and hope I can make my audience here happy
     with my work.
     Thank you for the five years on Wattpad.
     - Memji Pop
Chapter Notes
     I will no longer be updating on Wattpad, this will was my final
     update for the site. It is completely unbeta'd but wanted my goodbye
     to be as quick as possible. I thank my readers and followers dearly
     for their love and support and hope I can make my audience here happy
     with my work.
     Thank you for the five years on Wattpad.
     - Memji Pop
Todoroki recovered fast than Katsuki did. 
He was back to classes, Izuku clinging tightly to his arm like a frightened
child, with a renewed pep in his step. He'd won and he knew it - They both did.
Izuku told him what had happened and flooded out apology after the apology to
the mixed haired boy but there was no need. Todoroki didn't put any blame on
him, he was kind and loving and showered Izuku with the attention and affection
he should have gotten a long time ago. Still Izuku behaved like he walked a
razor sharp tightrope, a thin line between praise and punishment. Todoroki
could see it and he did his best to reassure the boy, but Izuku's mind with
flash with brilliant red and honey colour flames, he'd go weak in the knees and
cling tighter, trying to erase the feeling of rough hands just a touch too
gentle on his skin. Katsuki took a week longer to heal; Recovery Girl just
couldn't mend a breaking heart though not for lack of effort. He wasn't to
attend classes however, banished by home leave because of course the kind old
woman had noticed the faint black of thorned steams wrapping around muscle
under skin and flecks of red and ripped roses that stained his pillow. His
mother was mortified, sitting her son down on the family couch to lecture and
fret over him in the same breath. Katsuki knew she wasn't trying to make him
feel bad, even when he yelled and screamed and shoved him, tears still streamed
down her face filled with so much worry for her baby. She was scared, Hell - He
was scared - but right now, the blonde just wanted to curl up into bed and be
left alone. Thank God for his father, who eventually called Mitsuki down, took
her into the kitchen and motion that it was safe for Katsuki to go now. 
His room was messy, dark and stagnant. 
The bed left unmade from his last visit - Because I'm not your fucking maid,
Katsuki - dirty clothes shed haphazardly on the floor and old comic books he'd
been flipping through in piles by his weights. Katsuki wished he could say the
familiar space, undisturbed and his own, provided any distraction or comfort
but it didn't. It just became a clammy shell for him to hole up in and feel
sorry for himself. Days blurred together, Masaru might have come in once or
twice but the boy wouldn't have been able to say for sure. Someone mumbled
something about medication, surgery, something to try the tame the growing
brambles in his chest but he could barely process. By the end of it all, the
stress and exhaustion brought about a fever. Katsuki could have sworn he heard
Izuku's shy voice, cooing and coaxing him into sleep. Scarred hands stroking
his head, offering sanctuary in his palms, that same familiar and craved
delusion. 
"I'm here, Kacchan. It's ok, sleep now."
It felt heavenly just to imagine it, his hazy mind sinking deeper into his
pillow, damp cloth on his forehead promising to keep the worst of the heat away
as he slept. His dreams were a bittersweet torture, filled with that lithe body
and gentle hands and things he most certainly didn't deserve. But he could be
different here, make up for his mistakes at least in practice and act how he
should have that first night. His walls could afford a small gap for Izuku to
climb through, some entry point, he could learn it was ok to actually feel. The
thought terrified him, chilled his bones and he threatened to build his walls
higher and thicker. But that sweet, forgiving smile Izuku wore just for him
here, kept him still. He opened his mouth to say something but small hands
cupped his cheek and he realised he didn't need to do anything but lean into
the warmth and press soft kisses into those marked palms.
"I'm here. It's ok." Izuku repeated, his voice was so painfully quiet and soft.
He was naked, they both were, planted in his lap, long legs hooked over
Katsuki's hips and smiling at him almost sadly. "I've got you, Kacchan its ok
now." He was being so delicate, knowing full well that Katsuki was just about
ready to shatter in his hands from the mounting guilt and longing. He didn't
deserve this, a ghost of his childhood friend's forgiving nature, ready accept
any kindness that Katsuki only now decided to offer. But the blonde was
selfish, pressing their lips together chastely, licking at Izuku's bottom lip
to ask for permission. The noise the green haired boy made could have made
galaxies as far as Katsuki was concerned, pleading with him to take his fill
provided his was gentle and willing to allow Izuku the same kindness. He slowly
pushed Izuku back against whatever surface they were on, a bed maybe, burning
the image in his mind once his lungs forced them to part for air. Long legs
together at the knees were framed by ivory silk sheets, giving a gorgeous path
to slim hips and a valley of stomach, chest and throat. Izuku's hands were by
his head, in lazy fists as emerald green bedroom eyes caught his, hooded and
dark with lust and love. "I love you." He breathed out and Katsuki was
shattered and remade inn an instant, Izuku could always do that to him, make
him feel so undone and whole all at once. And now here he was, tucked away in
Katsuki's dream, so chaste and loving, ready for consumption. Katsuki was
indeed greedy, wasting no time filling his mind with the gasps and moans and
keens and oh God, right there, Katsuki please - That made him feel so alive.
There was lightening his veins and liquid fire in his bones, but he refused to
stop till Izuku's back arched up, taut like a bowstring and he was screaming in
ecstasy. 
Katsuki followed soon after, just mesmerised by Izuku's face, so flushes and
sated, something so beautiful he'd denied himself when he convinced himself it
just meaningless sex. The afterglow was glorious, the smaller boy wrapping him
in his arms and running long fingers through blonde hair with a small smile on
his face.
"I love you." He repeated and Katsuki felt something bubble in his throat. "I
love you so much, Kacchan." Something felt wrong, tears dripped onto Katsuki's
cheek and looking up he saw Izuku was no longer smiling. His face was tear
stained, puffy and red. Their sanctuary darkened into the black of Katsuki's
dorm room. Purple bruises adored his wrists, neck and shoulder and he looked
pitiful, wailing for Katsuki - For an answer. Katsuki wanted so badly to give
him one, it right there on the tip of his tongue, he just needed to -
He work up, lurching up violently and throwing up a particularly large mass of
petals and blood into blanketed lap. Sweat was dripping off him, the stink of
nitro-glycerine and iron was enough to make Katsuki feel like would actually
vomit. He moved to the bathroom, slipping into a cold shower and trying to
rinse the taste out of his mouth. His throat burned and ached, he tried to
soothe it, opening his mouth under the spray but the pain remained. It wasn't
until  he steps out, grunting with a small headache does he notice. In the fog
of the mirror, black irregular lines trail up the column of his throat and jut
out with small black thorns. Tiny, neat pink buds nest in the corners of
dividing stems and mock him, some even look like they might bloom. He storms
out and shows his parents immediately, nearly doubling over from a few sudden
stabbing pains in his neck and gut. His father was washing dishes and Katsuki
hears plates shatter, he feels his mother's arms around him, trying to keep him
on his feet but everything fades to black so quickly. He remembers shouting,
voices sounding like they're under water and far away, the flashing red, blue,
red, blue of an ambulance and the loud crash of hospital doors being slammed
open by a gurney stretcher, but the black leaks in and out of his vision too
much for him to focus. 
He feels like he's been asleep for days, his eyelids feel like lead when he
next tries to open them. He sees him mother talking with a doctor, his father's
hand on her shoulder, they look so worried he feels bad. They look at him
through the door's windows and mouth something like they love him but Katsuki
can't really hear them. The doctor comes in, holding up a chart like the boy
would understand any of it. He says that Katsuki got lucky, if they'd operated
any later he could have choked to death. Katsuki groans, at least it explains
why his neck feels so numb. The doctor assure him that he'll heal just fine
with minimal damage to his vocal cords if he refrains from speaking or making
harsh noises for a while, but then his face sours. It's like he's about to tell
the blonde that he hasn't got long to live and Katsuki honestly could have told
him that him himself at the rate these damn thorns keep spreading.
"We do have a temporary measure." The doctor begins, taking off his wire
glasses to rub at the bridge of his wide nose. "You're young, very healthy
outside of this disease, so if you're willing, we can prescribe you
medications. I want you to have a serious think about this. These won't cure
Hanahaki, but they will slow down the growths considerably and you will need to
have continuous surgeries to remove the growths .
But, they will cancel out your moods, making it harder for the growths to
spread. If you're lucky, this infatuation will pass and the growths will die
off before scar tissue becomes an issue."
Katsuki doesn't like the way he says infatuation because he knows that's not
what this is. He's young but not naive. He's had crushes and flings before,
mere aesthetic attractions to pass the time. This thing with Izuku is
persistent,  stubborn in all the best and worst ways. He knows he's always been
in love with the goofy, freckled boy, he just didn't see it till it because a
literal life or death situation and he knows damn well it won't fade because
when has he ever given on anything?
"I understand if opt against the medication, but in that case I hope you sort
this out with the person you are infatuated with soon. Closure or acceptance
are the only guaranteed cures we can-" Katsuki nods vigorously, something
dangerous and fiery in his eyes that makes the doctor slide his glasses back on
and scribble on the chart. "Well then, let's see how this goes then." And he
leaves, Mitsuki and Masaru come in to check on their boy and Katsuki feels
something twists in his chest; weather its anxiety or the thorns is anyone's
guess. The school is notified of course, a few class mates stop in to say hello
when Katsuki is lucid enough, he needs rest and the hospital has him on
powerful sedatives with the fuss he kicks up. Kirishima shows up with Kaminari
and the pair sits on the end of Katsuki's bed, cross legged and babbling on
about how much effort they're putting into training so Katsuki better heal up
fast before they get any stronger. Asui stops by once and just sits in the
chair next to him, she doesn't say a word and picks at a box of chocolates she
might have brought as a get well gift, considering she leaves what’s left of
them on the nightstand. Iida of course comes and makes some long winded speech
about how Katsuki is missed and he hopes being in hospital isn't keeping him
from at least looking over their homework. 
It's strange to see his class mates come in one by one, Katsuki doesn't think
he's all that close with any of them, though he knows that's his fault. No one
visits for a few days and Katsuki is grateful for the silence, he's exhausted,
and the moment he hears his room door creak and crack open he rolls over and
pretends to sleep. There's a lightly click, click, click of shoes on the
linoleum floor and he thinks a nurse must've come in to adjust his IV drip, but
something clinks and rustles, the clicking returning and door closing just as
Katsuki rolls over and sees them. They're in a vase on the other nightstand,
fresh and vibrant and neatly tied together with an emerald coloured ribbon.
Japanese camellias.
 
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